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The Month of May

So… May. Usually in Washington state, despite your location within, is cloudy and intermittently warm. Some days will be bright blue sky and 70 degrees.. others it will be cloudy and 60. You just have to learn to live with it – and in our case, until we move.

 

Ah yes, the move. Well… you know how my mate is going to go to school to be an Audiologist. It was decided that going to school in Colorado would be too expensive to live and find a job, so we decided to take a small stop-over on our way, and she’d go to school in Utah. Salt Lake City… which funnily enough, is a huge gay mecca. So I should fit right in. It is more liberal than Spokane, I tell you what. Not that I have been there recently. I drove through there when I was 14. And in 2 weeks I turn 35, you do the math. Cheaper housing, available jobs that start out paying a decent wage. Sounds good! Then when she’s done we’ll move to Colorado the proper way, and love every moment of it.

I’ve been developing a story in my mind that I want to turn into a novel. I don’t want to go into the synopsis here because what if someone steals it? So I will just say my inspiration came from Amanda Knox and the crazy shit she went through with that italian murder trial. The story has nothing to do with her, but the idea came from reading about her story. I found a sort of ‘Romeo and Juliet” angle that I’m going to approach. It involves a murder, a love story, action, and moments of joy and wonder. I think if I really sit down and put my mind to it, this could be a story I actually finish. I have a real problem with that. I’ll start writing a story and then when I hit a roadblock I tell myself I’ll come back to it, but I never do. Eventually the story gets stored away somewhere or deleted entirely after re-reading what I have and deciding it is total crap. I also developed a great idea for a TV series last summer… but I couldn’t figure out how to get it down on ‘paper’ (screen?) so to speak. I need to follow through with things.

Following through: The theme of May. I’ve had a few bad days in May, where irritability reared its ugly head, and caused some fights with my mate. Other times were really energetic and fun, usually on the nice days we could take nice long walks.

Speaking of walks… about a month ago I weighed 177. I freaked out and made myself lose some weight. But I have plateaued at 170. I had gone down to 164 one day, after intense exercise and barely eating, but then I bounced back up when the weather turned and we could no longer take walks in the sun. This time I am serious. My morning regimen includes taking my medicine, doing yoga on the Wii, treadmilling intervals for a mile, then doing a Kelley Coffey workout video. Sometimes twice! Then on nice days to continue this, will take a walk as well as ride the bicycle to work if feasible. All the while eating small portions of healthy food. And taking the “2-week bootcamp’ pills are helping as well… car blocker, fat burner, colon flush, and water/bloat reducer. In 2 weeks, when I have my birthday (Where we plan on camping at lake Skookum), I should be down to 160 I hope. Thats a good start. Then I’d like to be down to 150 and then finally, 140. Go go gadget weight loss!!

 

Well I think that is it for May, lets see what June holds!

 

Inserting a random picture just because…

godeess

The Phone

So I have Boost mobile. Unlimited everything, and I only pay $40 a month. It piggybacks off the Sprint network but we’ve never had problems with the network, except in Montana, but no one gets cell service in Montana, so that’s ok.

My phone is an LG Venice. I had gone in 2 years ago to purchase a phone for christmas (for myself, yes) and wanted the LG galaxy S II phone that had just come out. The salesman actually talked me down from the more expensive phone and into the LG phone, which still seemed pretty cool, so I went with it.

2 years into using the phone and I want to throw it across the room. It is slow as hell, despite a factory reset and keeping apps to a minimum. The internet is slow and sucks, dialing a number and then it actually CALLING that number takes around 1 minute, etc…

So for my birthday this June I am requesting.. no, DEMANDING that I get a new phone. The galaxy S III and 4 and 5 are too expensive still, so I’d still settle for the S2. It is on sale for about $140, used, as amazon, and Boost has it for cheap too, I think, still.

 

I hope someone, somewhere, takes pity on me and can get me this phone for my birthday.

Yes yes it is true. I have a crush on Amanda Knox. You know, the girl who was on trial in Italy for allegedly killing her roommate with the help of her boyfriend. She was found guilty and put in jail for 4 years based on very poor forensic testing… then appealed and was freed. She came home to Seattle, now Italy is saying she is guilty all over again. Ugh. Leave the poor woman alone.

 

Anyway, she is very beautiful and grown up!! She is 27 now, and when all this initially went down, she was 20 I think.

 

I want to read her book and send her a note or letter saying that I know she’s been through the ringer, but that I respect and admire her for hanging in there so wonderfully. That takes some serious ovaries, I say!!

Amanda-Knox

Gain and Lose

I seem to be evening out and cracking even. I keep going from 174 to 170 in terms of weight. I exercise, eat small portions of healthy food.. I don’t get it. *sigh* I got to keep on keepin’ on, I guess.

The weather here in Spokane is odd. One day it will be 70 and the next, 50 and rainy. Hard to go for walks or bicycle rides when you don’ t know when it will rain on you.

Well my mate got a 98% on her final, and that is an A+ meaning she’s kept her 4.0! I am so proud of her. Took her to Red Lobster for lunch yesterday.

Did I mention I finally got in contact with my dad after nearly a year? Turns out his e-mail changed the layout and he couldn’t find his address book, and he got a new phone and it didn’t have the #’s plugged into it, so he couldn’t call. I guess he was worried about me since I never reached out to HIM. I thought he was ignoring me, for whatever reason. His dog died, she was his best friend, so he’s not doing so great. He is sad. I will e-mail him today.

I’ve been doing knee strengthening exercises to stabilize my knee, but the only thing that helps the pain is to walk on it for a while. After 5-10 minutes of walking on it, the pain dissipates slightly. It still hurts but it tolerable at that point. Pretty sure I tore a ligament. Based on the anatomy of the knee that I studied carefully at many medical journal sites, I have come to that conclusion.

In other news I have a new female crush: Amanda Knox. You know, the girl who was on trial for a murder in Italy that she did not commit? She was 20 when that all went down at first but now she is 27 and HOT. My goodness. She has a book out about what happened and stuff, I am thinking of getting it and reading it.

 

I think that is it for my life for now. Nothing exciting or worth writing about, really.

Crap Knee

I have a crap knee. The left one. I looked some things up and from several medical websites learned that perhaps I tore or injured, somehow, my LCL and MCL ligaments, and of course there’s the torn meniscus from when I was a child that never properly healed. I weighed myself and now I am 177 lbs!!!! Oh god!! So I really need to exercise. But nooooo my knee wants to keep me in pain.

Everytime I walk or run or jog, there is pain in my knee and on the side of it. I took some methocarbamol and rubbed icy hot on it, as well as twice today did some strength exercises to help build the muscles around the knee, for support and to prevent further injury.

The other day I had to limp on the treadmill… it sucked. All the websites say not to do exercise until the pain is healed, but I can’t waste any time, I weigh almost as much as I did in 2006, which was 181. Holy jesus! Weight gain: maybe the new pills I take, quetiapine (Seroquel) as well as not being in control of my food portions and also not putting my full effort into my treadmill workout. Which is due to the damn knee problem. Ugh.

So I decided I am going to eat very, very little. I’ll drink a lot of water to fill my belly, and try not to eat as much food. I am not down with anorexia, but I am totally down with cutting my calories in half. According to fitbit.com I am alloted 1234 calories per day. I say I am alloted 900 per day. I know its a crash but it works — and I have carb blockers I can take if I end up eating something like pasta or corn. Or potatoes. etc..

Anyway I am fed up with having the hugest belly on the planet.. none of my shirts fit right and my fatness is out there for all to see. Lovely.

I am 5’3″ and small boned, My BMI has me ideally at 124-140 lbs. I am happy if I can get down to 150 within the next few months. I really got to do this. I have to put my heart and soul into this. I can NOT weigh nearly 180 lbs!!!! NO WAY.

 

174

Oh god. I weighed myself yesterday and I weigh 174 lbs. Holy shit, that is just like 9 lbs away from being the heaviest I ever was in my whole life. I am small boned and 5’3″ I should weigh between 130-140 lbs. So I am going to exercise my little buns off and drink a lot of water and eat a lot of salad, soup, and produce. I need to be serious about this, this is really scary for me.

 

I kinda had been feeling like lately I gained weight but wasn’t sure until yesterday. In 21 days I had gained 9 lbs. Yikes. I made a starting goal of 150, even though that’s still too big, its a goal I think I can accomplish if I am strict about diet and exercise. Lord help me.

We had thought (me and my mate) that I was swinging up into mania because I hadn’t such a need for sleep, was irritable, aggressive, impulsive, and thinking a lot, inside my head, perhaps a little too fast. But today I am kind of tired and could sleep some more. Maybe its the exercise, maybe its the big ‘crash’ after not even having a full blown episode? No idea. I think my depression has slid away though, the seroquel that the dr prescribed seems to be helping.

I need to also pay more attention and have better focus at work, too, in order to make my numbers each night and in July hopefully get a raise.

We shall see, we shall see.

150lbs, here I come!!!

 

 

So Saturday and Sunday there was a big Spokane bike swap at the fairgrounds that me and my mate went to. Saturday she bought a bicycle that she liked, for $30! original retail value of $499 I think. No damage, good condition, had a pouch that came with extras – a pump and some gloves. The next day we went back, and I got a bicycle too! It is an early birthday present from my mate. Good quality, my favorite color (purple) and only $30!!  A slightly smaller one (I hate not being able to touch the ground with both feet, scares the hell out of me). Mine is purple, hers is black. In this picture, though, you can’t tell. Mine is the one in front. I got a messenger bag, too, to carry with me slung around my shoulder so that I don’t have to lug around a heavy backpack while I ride. I am taking it to work tonight. I only work about a 4 minute drive, and we timed it yesterday and it took 13 minutes. I’ll leave a half hour early, though, just in case… Not sure where to put it once I get there. My workplace doesn’t have any bike racks. Might have to bring it inside and put it against the wall in the lobby or something. I’ll do that first, then ask around what to do with it.

So I’ve always heard that stupid saying, “Oh its just like riding a bicycle.” This insinuates that something someone hasn’t done in a long time will be remembered instantly. Not so. I forgot how to ride a bicycle. It has been about 15 years since I rode one, and I was shaky and couldn’t steer properly. Not to mention didn’t know how to work the gears and hand brakes very well. After a while riding though I think I got a better hang of it. I’ll ride it often this summer and I’ll get used to it again. But, no, you can’t just hop on a bicycle after 15 years and remember how to ride one. So do not heed that stupid statement, it isn’t true.

 

bikes

A Day That Was Not So Wonderful

Yesterday I had a shit day. I work until midnight and wake up at 4-ish to workout in the mornings, then I nap later. brief overview. Anyway…

 

I had a library book to return, and then wanted to donate plasma, which I haven’t done in 2 years. I went to the library. It was 8:45am and the door said they didn’t open until 10am. The parking garage was empty and no one was in the booth, so I thought parking was free. Skip ahead: After finding out I was too early for the library to drop off the book that was due, I went to see about donating plasma for some extra $$.

I went through the whole rigamarole, if you don’t donate for more than 6 months you’re considered new again. So I had to watch the video, fill out questionaires, do the kiosk thing, get my picture taken, test my hematocrit and protein by finger-prick, etc.. then I had to wait about an hour to be seen for the physical before being admitted to donate.

When I was finally called in, the doctor was having computer problems, so it took him about 12 minutes to pull up my file. He gave me crackers and water so that I would have a better donation. Then he asked me about any health issues I may have. I told him I have bipolar and GAD with panic disorder and he said sorry but they don’t allow mental health patients anymore, something about policy. I suspect having to do with needles and being psycho… thanks for the stigma! So I had wasted all that damn time to be told about this new policy and being permanently deferred from donating. Swell.

So.. pissed about that, I drove back to the library. I noticed when I got there, it was open, so I had to take a ticket. I saw an attendant in the booth so I realized I’d have to pay. I don’t have change for a meter on the street so I used the garage. I ran into the library real quick and dropped off the book. I ran back out and at the booth he said it would cost .75 cents. I handed him my card. “Oh we only take cash.” Fuck. “What? I only have plastic. I don’t carry change, and most all places in this city take cards.” ..” Well, we don’t.” I fished around and found .24 cents. he took it then was belligerent and belly ached about how he’d have to cover the rest out of his own pocket and people need to pay attention to the signs. I told him it is NOT clearly marked that it is cash only, and he said “See the sticker on my window right here?” That was also behind the window that slides open, so partially obscured by the sill. So, no, I told him. Not really. He finally let me go after being a total dick.

I got home and had 45 minutes to nap. I was so tired. Not only does my higher dose of Lamictal make me tired, but I hadn’t gotten adequate sleep. I went to work anyway like a big responsible girl, but the battle between depression and dilligence was won by the depression of the shit day I had, and I took my FMLA leave and went home. I have FMLA for bipolar and anxiety.

Laurel got 100% on her big exam at school so we celebrated to make me feel better and to celebrate her good score, by eating Chipotle burritos. I felt a bit better after that, but was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open. My mood was still not level but I did feel more calm and less anxious being at home. Usually at work I have a few PRN extra lorazepams in case of anxiety, but they might make me sleepy and I was already tired so tea or caffeine, I am afraid, would not have worked well. I intend to go back to work tonight and kick serious ass. I am going to get some good sleep this time.

What a day yesterday. Ugh. Hope the rest of today goes well. So far so good, just tired.

Parade of Nations

So a few weeks ago my mate and I handmade a lot of native american items for a basket, that was to be for auction at an event for cultural diversity. We handmade paintings, painted ceramic owls, made godseyes, put a book in about the Salish tribe, decorated flat rocks with petroglyph symbols, a bean bear design, and a recipe for indian fry bread passed down from salish elders. We had food and soda, and whoever won the raffle for our basket wasn’t present so we didn’t get to see their reaction, unfortunately. But everyone thought out basket was the best.

Today I am going to see a screening for hearing with laurel during the health fair at the campus. Aunt Linda will be coming, too. I want to get more screenings done too, like HDL lipid profile, glyco, cholesterol, etc… so that should be fun.

I was sick for about a week with some sort of virus. It started with a bad cough, barking and wheezing. Then 2 days later I got a sore throat and it was red. Then that went away and I started to get a runny/stuffy nose. Then that went away and I was still coughing up phlegm which was gross. I still have a random cough but I am not sure if its from my ashtma or from my virus. I went to work through the whole thing, though, despite feeling like poop. I am feeling much better.

So I went to run at the track finally and it felt good. I don’t like the treadmill, I like being outside. I think I run faster outside. I thought it would be harder, because the treadmill is rubber and so its more bouncy, but I found my awesome Nike Shox shoes made the outdoor track feel good to run on.

My mate has been super busy with school stuff so I haven’t seen a whole lot of her, but she’s doing so well in school. So proud of her!! She’s an amazing woman.

I called my mom yesterday for her birthday. She is 68 now. She just chilled all day, and is having dinner on Sunday with the family, and I will be there in spirit.

That’s about it. Oh and I’ve been going through my music, weeding out the stuff that I listen to and find I don’t like, and then download new stuff, listen to it once, and then delete it if I don’t like it, and if I do, I keep it. Its working well but I have a TON of music to go through. I love music, though, so I don’t mind. I find it soothing.

Been trying to meditate lately and have been able to relax more which is good. My thoughts still run rampant but I am a little more able to just relax and let the thoughts flow away which is cool. I’ve also been sleeping in the living room a lot on my meditation pillow (a long one with some pillows and a blanket) because I either cough or snore at night, and it disrupts my mate who has some severe sleeping problems. It seems to work ok that way.

Anyway, Namaste!

Old skool.

Enjoying Hugh Sharpe – Trip Through Time (1996 part 1) on the Goa-Psy Trance channel by Digitally Imported
http://www.di.fm/goapsy

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