My New Blog

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Man, fuck WordPress and their confusing “block” editor an the way they make it difficult to manage/edit your blog or site.

So… created a new home for myelf on the internet, one that is easy to write in and edit posts, and organize the site itself, etc. I will provide you a link here:

https://imallgreyedout.blogspot.com/

Things I am Going To Do.. and Not Do

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So the wife pulled out a piece of paper on which I had recently written some goals down.  She requested that I add them to my goals for this year, as they are important ones, so here they are:

  • Communicate
  • Put my family first
  • Be responsible with my medications
  • Stay on top of Dr visits
  • Clear leaving work with the wife first, if I am ever to do so.
  • Contribute to relationship
  • Be selfless
  • Remember my priorities
  • Be honest about everything
  • Impact relationship in a positive manner
  • Put on my big girl pants/be an adult
  • Think of consequences
  • Be accountable
  • Make good choices
  • Do my equal share

 

Anyone who read that just now is thinking, wow what kind of sleazeball is this gal? Or they’re thinking… did she write that with a gun to her head? No one needs that amount of work when it comes to being a good human…

Well, yes and no. No to the gun to my head, I wrote that of my own free will. I did work on them with my gal however, not in a way to state that I do not ever do all these things as a person, more like, work to make yourself better at these, and keep on doing it right. It is less about saying I am a bad human, and saying more just keep remembering to be this way as a human. I’m not always good at these things. So it takes reminding.

Here’s what I am not going to do:

  • Be selfish
  • Be deceitful
  • Lie
  • Take without giving
  • Do things at the expense of my family
  • Pity Party
  • Excuses
  • Justify bad behavior
  • Be lazy

Again just some things to keep up on, not that I am an awful human being or something.

 

Goals and Such

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So in late 2017 I set goals for myself for 2018. Let’s see how I did:

 

5. Lose 20 lbs – Nope

4. Read as many books as is humanly possibly – Nope

3. do my mood chart daily – Nope

2. Do a great job at work – Nope

  1. Stay stable, mentally. – Nope

 

Looks like I have a lot to work on this year!! I didn’t accomplish any of those goals! First, I lost weight but then I gained it back, then lost it, then gained it (never to equal 20 pounds though). I think I read maybe 4 books all year long. That’s it. I just can’t find time to sit down and read. It is impossible to do in bed before sleeping, because I am too tired. I don’t do a mood chart anymore, at all. I do, however, use the Daylio app, where I log what I did, and what my mood was. It’s not quite the same as the Harvard Bipolar mood scale stuff though. And did I do a good job at work? I was fired… twice. Ugh. So no I didn’t. Stay stable mentally? Come on, YOU try it after all that!

Ok so this year. 2019. A little less fantastical, shall we? More realistic?

  • Get to more stability this year than last.
  • Read 5 books. That’s better than 4.
  • Keep doing my Daylio and maybe incorporate mood numbers in the comments of each day.
  • Stay at this job no matter what. (And of course do a good job at it!)
  • Get below 160 lbs and stay there. 20 is a crazy-lots of pounds to lose. Maybe I could do 5-10 though, if I try really hard. I’m not apt to try really hard, though. I like food way too much.

So there. I made my goals more realistic, and easier to attain. Just got to make an effort, here. We’ll see if I can do it!

The Best (and Worst) Moments of 2018

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Every year I would like to do a best and worst moments after the year has ended. I think it is good to explore the moments that made me who I am today, whether good or bad. It is fascinating to me how each year is made up of nothing but individual moments all linked together by something called “time”. Here are the moments I’d like to highlight. We’ll start with the worst…

The Worst Moments of 2018 

  • In March, I was returning home from the zoo and walking from the lightrail station to the apartment. I was waiting for the light at the crosswalk. It turned green, and my walk-signal lit up. I took a step out into the crosswalk, dressed in bright orange, and a car that was turning right hit me. I was thrown up onto the car’s bumper and bounced off the side of it. I landed on my ass. I had bad road rash and ruined my shorts (not that way — they were ruined because I had tar on them now that would never come out). I came out of it relatively unscathed, but now as a result of hitting slammed by a car I am extremely paranoid when a pedestrian. I am a little more alert than before, when crossing a street, and even when just walking on a sidewalk, I pay attention to what all the cars are doing. It’s a scary world out there if you’re a biped…
  • In January 2018 I was working as a Temp for a company that processed traffic tickets. It was not too difficult, but easy to make mistakes if you aren’t careful, and some of the back-dating and things were hard to calculate. Some of the rules didn’t make sense really, but I thought I had been doing a pretty good job. I was understanding it, and even helping the other gal that was working with me. But one day I was pulled aside and told my services would no longer be needed anymore. I had no idea why, and I was stunned when all the lady would say was that I just wasn’t catching on. I now strive to understand and learn the materials provided to me and ask how my progress is going on a frequent basis. Because of this, I had to scramble to find another job…
  • After I’d been asked to leave that job, I found a job doing billing for a children’s respite company. I shared an office with another billing gal, and our supervisor had an office down the hall. Sometimes I would have to wait for further instruction on what to do, and often times, how to do it. I would sit for hours sometimes, being told that they would have something for me to do in “a few moments.” So I would surf the internet. Well, apparently they did not want you to do that, and one day in June, pulled me in the office to tell me I was terminated for using company equipment and company time to goof off. I started to try and explain that I had nothing to do for long periods of time because they were not organized… but I stopped. They’d only think I was making up excuses. So now I am very paranoid about using the internet or e-mail or anything like that for anything other than work related things, and I try to always play by the rules. I suspect, though, the real reason they fired me was because I had told them I had bipolar and so I had some medical notes for things, and they probably didn’t want someone who was crazy to work for them.
  • Next, as I was unemployed in June (the week before my birthday), my mate ALSO had been laid off from her job because they mismanaged their money. So we were BOTH out of work! We scrambled and scrambled, interviewed and interviewed.. we were freaking out, but trying to hold it all together.
  • This one is not really one particular moment in time, more like many moments accumulated to be on big moment. It’s called “I lived in that crummy apartment.” From December 2017 – November 2018, we lived in this complete dump of an apartment. It was in a neighborhood that was not really “bad” but it was a little sketchy, as it was on a main road. We were on the 3rd floor so it was unbearably hot in the summer, and freezing in the winter. The whole building was infested with cockroaches, and nothing you could do would ever get rid of them. The apartment was very very small, so over half our things were in storage. The kitchen was too small to cook in. And the management was devious and a bunch of jerks. They would nickle and dime you for everything, and then fine you for something stupid but not tell you about it until 3 months later after the fine had gone unpaid and therefore snowballed into a bigger amount due. It was one giant moment of living in a hell hole.
  • I had some serious bipolar ups and downs. Literally, of course… I spent a good part of the year cycling through episode after episode. Now, my medication works. It works by keeping these episodes mild. But it won’t prevent them from happening. I am what they call a “rapid cycler,” which means you have more than 2-3 episodes in a year. I had about 7. So it’s not a specific moment in time, again, but it is culminating into one large moment of being not-n-my-right-mind.

 

But when there’s darkness, there always must be light…

The Best Moments of 2018

  • Innings Festival. In March 2018 they had a festival to celebrate spring training, at Tempe Beach Park. We dressed as baseball-y as possible and saw Lord Huron, Young The Giant, and others perform in concert. We sipped coconut rum from a coconut. We took pictures, we had some super-good free lemonaid. We joked and we laughed, we looked at all the booths, we walked around, it was a fun time. We are probably not going again this year because the tickets were expensive, and aren’t interested in most of the musical acts this time around. But this one was a lot of fun.
  • We went downtown (Phoenix) for a Suns basketball game a time or two and a couple of Mercury basketball games, as well. Each time, we’d go early and have lunch at the George & Dragon pub, (their chicken curry is amazing). We’d walk to Bitter & Twisted, this amazing cocktail lounge that serves crazy drinks. They have a menu that’s like a fairy tale story, for their different drink styles. I only wish this place would play Trip-Hop or Deep House. Jazz, even. But 90’s alternative doesn’t fit the interior of this place. It’s got lush velvet and leather, and I suppose in the evening it would be a little dim. Definitively some jazz. Then we’d go to the game after exploring the Bitter & Twisted offerings. The Suns would lose, because they suck, and the Mercury would win, because they didn’t. But those times for those games were a lot of fun.
  • Tour De Fat came to Tempe Beach Park in October. It was a bicycle themed festival, put on by New Belgium brewing company. Trampled by Turtles put on a show, and they had a bicycle ring where you could get on these crazy bicycles that were difficult and thus, funny, to ride on. We took funny videos and pictures of people attempting to ride, and falling off. The best part, though, was when Laurel entered a talent show in front of at least 500 people. Impromptu! She did a clogging dance to whatever the DJ decided to play (some crazy fast stuff) and she ended with a flourish. She did the splits. (And tore her hamstring, which is still torn in January, but that is neither here nor there, as it was amazing!).
  • Arts Festival. Also near Tempe Beach Park. I sense a pattern. This was more held in the streets of Tempe on Mill Ave and surrounding neighborhoods. It wasn’t as large as the Utah Arts Festival, but it had a lot of the same vendors. We walked around, looked at the booths, talked, ate good food, had some drinks, and bought paintings of cats with monacles. What a great day!
  • We moved into a rental house. YAY! It is in Tempe (just a few miles from Tempe Beach Park actually..haha) and it is cute. 2 bed, 2 bath, carport-garage, small yard, very cute. We got some rugs for the cold pergo wood floors. The best thing about it is no neighbors on top or below you, and no awful management company up your ass. It is nice having a house. The kitties love it too.
  • We went to Oatman, AZ. It is this cute little old-west town with wild donkeys roaming free. We had lots of fun here. We fed donkeys, walked around, checked out the shops, had lunch, watched an old-west shootout performance, and took lots of pictures.
  • Went hiking at Tonto National Forest on the Wild Horse trail. It was my first hike in the valley here, and the desert was beautiful. We took a lot of pictures and brought our camel-pack backpacks with us.
  • Went to my first water park this past summer. I nearly drowned in 5 inches of water, and nearly lost my glasses in the wave pool when the big wave came and I got run over by a kid on a inflatable mat… but it was a lot of fun. Might go again this year.

 

So those were the moments that shaped the year. I’ve probably left a lot out but those ones made a big impression on me. I learned a lot of things this past year, and I’d like to think it helped shape who I am today. Maybe it did, maybe it didn’t. But.. it happened.

A review: Justin Timberlake’s “Man of the Woods”

~ Don't Call Me Kid ~ Leave a comment

I have always been a fan of Justin. His dance moves and his fashionable style are pretty spiffy. I’m gay, but I find him to be attractive, for a guy. His voice and vocal range are enticing. So I was happy when a new album finally came out.

We start out on “Man of the Woods” with ‘Filthy’ which has some funk, electronic, and rock all mixed in. Oh, and there’s the R&B influence in the vocals. “If you know what’s good” brings in a Transiberian Orchestra type guitar piece that I’m not a fan of. I don’t think it’s fake though, because I’m not a hater (You will understand that reference when you have a listen to the song).

‘Midnight Summer Jam’ starts out with some funk and disco-like sounds. I can imagine Abba at the forefront at first. I think it is a song about partying and enjoying yourself. Not one of my favorite songs on the album however. It was not catchy enough to, well, catch me.

‘Sauce’ Is a little bit hokey. There are some twangy funk vibes  going on here. There are some unusual sexual references, involving colors. Very inventive. I do not think I am a fan of the twang in the guitar on this song. The hook is catchy though.

‘Man of the Woods’ is a humble song about being about the woods… and his lady. The video for this track has his wife Jessica dancing, proving it is a love song, but I can’t connect the woodsie vibe with love. He’s a man of the woods, though, and it’s his pride. He mentions in some lyrics here that he’s a southern boy. He’s from Tennessee. I always thought that was in the Midwest. It’s higher up than Missouri, which is not southern, it is the Midwest. I never understood that. Oops I’ve gotten off track. Ha, track. Get it?

‘Higher Higher’ is a groovy R&B tune that showcases Justin’s lyrical beauty and the way he wraps the words around a hook real smoothly. I can imagine this one growing on me if I gave it a chance more than I really have. I can imagine this one becoming a single, as it harkens back to the days when Justin had just come from his humble beginnings in a boy band, but with more maturity and more poise.

‘Wave’ starts with a fast little reggae thing going on. It seems to be a song about vacationing somewhere where he can celebrate his love with his wife. It sounds like a mandolin is being used. Or is that a Ukulele? Again more catchy and smooth lyrical genius from Justin.

‘Supplies’ is the best track on the album. The intensity of the heavy R&B mixed with the extremely catchy chorus make for a song that gets stuck in your head. And it’s not really a bad song to get caught in your head. A rap beat set to some background beat boxing (subtle) as well as highly inventive lyrics make this one a track to listen for on the album.

‘Morning Light’ starts off soft, with perhaps what sounds like some old-skool samples from the 60’s (Think Burial), and it opens up into a mix of Americana and R&B. Yes it can be done, Justin shows us. A love ballad here, he hits the mark with his vocals, and the chorus is smooth and brimming with sexiness.

‘Say Something’ is a song, roughly, about being caught in the middle of some drama or fiasco, and the lesson we learn is that sometimes it’s better to say nothing at all. The chrorus is appealing and extremely catchy. Might be my 2nd favorite on the album. It’s got that vibe that I like. Just something about it. He sings with Chris Stapleton. I do not know who that is. But in the video he appeared to be a bearded hipster playing guitar. Great track here.

After this there’s an interlude of Jessica talking about Justin’s clothing reminding her of him. I can leave it.

‘Flannel’ Is a sweet song, probably sung to his wife. A bit slow, but he’s got that lyrical magic again… and there’s some Prince-esque vocal fanfare throughout. The chorus is the sweet part. Flannel will keep you warm, you know.

‘Montana’. When I think of Montana I don’t think of a Bee Gee’s disco song, but that’s exactly what Justin gives us here. I imagine indie rock or Americana when I think of Montana… maybe even country. I was not as impressed with this one, as it reminded me of some of the other tracks on the album. It didn’t really spark anything memorable. I also for the life of me could not find the word “Montana” in the song anywhere. I’ll ask Justin about that one.

R&B is stylistically prominent in ‘Breeze off the Pond’ – perhaps another love song (it seems to be a common theme on this album) that shows how content and at peace Justin is with his life and his love. A little slower of a track and it didn’t catch my attention in the background. I don’t remember this one as soon as it is over.

‘Livin off the Land’ has some samples in the beginning, leading into a… hmm.. menagerie of songs. Electronic snipping of Justin’s voice and some subtle beat boxing. Another R&B tune with some prolific lyrics that croon to the masses. I like this one, but again when it stops playing I can’t remember it.

In the next track, Justin wants you to give him ‘The Hard Stuff’…. whatever that means. Another love song, a bit slow again, and something that reminds me of some of the other tracks on the album that didn’t leave a lasting impression on me the first (few) time(s).

‘Young Man’ is a cute song, with Justin singing a song to/for his infant son. How to grow up and be a respectable man. There are some ‘goo-goo and ga-ga’ moments and it sounds a little coochie-coo, but that adds charm, I think, and stylistically the album is a little gospel with R&B mixed together, and there’s some toughness in Justin’s voice as well that would remind one of someone making sure their boy is set straight. A good last track on the album, I thought.

I give the album an A- as it doesn’t hit the mark in all aspects of what people (me) like to listen to, but it does satisfy the groove cravings inside. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go listen to ‘Supplies’ again. Enjoy.

 

 

Brandi Carlile’s New Album: A Review

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Let me preface this by saying I love Brandi Carlile and the twins… and their music. Ever since I heard the album “The Story”, and subsequently “Bear Creek” (in my top 12 albums of all time I’d say). Next she came out with “Firewatchers Daughter” Which took a while but it grew on me. The Americana sound was played up a bit, and that indie feel of “Bear Creek” took a backseat. So I didn’t know what to expect on this new album. I was excited, though.

The album begins a little weak, with ‘Every Time I Hear That Song’ which makes us think of the past but how far we have come since then. Kind of a slow one, and it didn’t really catch my attention. I always like the first song of an album to be a show stopper. Or at least a real good upbeat vibe, we’ll say.

‘The Joke’ has some good strings and piano parts. Brandi really showcases her voice here. Raw and beautiful. Again however, a little slow and weak. I kept hoping for a stop in the slow and a BAM! Right into a fast song a la ‘The Story’. That didn’t happen, but Brandi’s vocals and the violin/string section make this song promising for the stage.

‘Hold Out Your Hand’ caught my attention right away. Quick vocals spoken in Johnny Cash fashion faster and faster until the song speeds up and takes you into some catchy ba da ba da ba da’s. It took a while to understand the theme of the song but I think they were just having fun. Especially when the march eloquence presents itself in the chorus.

The next song, ‘The Mother’ is one I have heard in concert maybe twice so I knew what to expect. That doesn’t mean it isn’t good, just that I knew it already and it is a sweet song, about her daughter that she and her wife had a few years ago. It is endearing and honest, and very authentic where Brandi opens up about sharing her life with this little creature that keeps her in awe. It’s just Brandi and her guitar, stripped down for the authentic and raw effect.

‘Whatever You Do’ went right past me except for the first line “If I don’t owe you a favor you don’t know me”. The rest was just too slow. Un-Prolific guitar in it’s basics, and a Brandi voice that neither tickles nor showers the listener with the doldrums; just ok. After a long verse the chorus comes in, and it seems it took forever to get there. It was a subtle challenge to verify its presence in the song though.

‘Fulton County Jane Doe’ reminded me of that “Everybody stop now what’s that sound, everybody look what’s goin’ down” with the bell tune throughout. A little More upbeat and shiny, a little more polished, this song goes down as a second favorite on the album. I had decided ‘Hold Out Your Hand’ would be my #1. It has a little more spirit to it.

‘Sugartooth’ is next and it, frankly, bores me. I am so so sorry to have to say that. But it is not catchy, the lyrics are nothing inspiring, and once it’s done I can’t remember a single part of it. I actually tried to recall this one and had managed to get “slave to a sugartooth” in my head after much recollection (mostly because I ached for chocolate at the time). Your plain jane song here.

‘Most of All’ in all of it’s glory starts slow, but with a ballad-y intention. Brandi’s voice shines here in this one… but again after the song is over I don’t remember it. Is the guitar lick in this one the same as all the previous songs? I can hear the brothers singing on this one – they seemed mostly absent on this album which is odd because they try to stick together in writing and vocalizing. This one reminds me of ‘Whatever You Do’ in the way that it just seems like ‘a song’ to me, and I could easily skip it rather than repeat it.

I like how ‘Harder to Forgive’ starts with the drums. The lyrics are poetry here, and you can tell the song is building up to something more upbeat than others. I like this one because it goes in a direction that I like. The lyrics you can recall after the song is over, and this one might get stuck in your head. She tells a genuine story about forgiveness in this tale, and the song is cohesive and listenable.

‘Party of One’ starts off with a piano, and a sad sounding Brandi. A soft, soft voice singing about loneliness and anger. A slow song to close out the album. The end of the song just sort of peters out… I said “Wait, what?”

To re-cap and summarize, this album was more poetic and brilliant lyric-wise, but the tempo and music itself just wasn’t there. Perhaps I compare her albums too much with “Bear Creek” because every single song on that album is amazing. This is by no means terrible, and with many more listens it will grow on me. But these are my first impressions. I still love you Brandi, even though you’re a little more tired these days.

 

Top 10 Chill Albums of 2017

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Yes, here it is again. I was afraid I would not get to it — my phone died along with 126 albums on the SD card. Have no fear, I was able to recollect many of those, and from them I curated the ten best (In my opinion). I hope you like them too, and I hope you provide feedback or comments! Would love to hear from you.

 

10. Fourth Dimension – The Perfect Form (ambient): This album, though ambient, is a hard hitter, with beautiful synths and layers criss crossing through the synapses of your brain like it is on fire. Beautiful music here – listen alone, with headphones, in a quiet space. Brilliant.

 

9. Slackbaba – Reflections (chillstep/experimental chill)

This album challenges the boundaries of traditional psychill with adding some flavor of chillstep and some bass to back it up. Not as gritty as the previous album “Ask” but definitely has some uber intense vibrations here.

 

8. Ecometric – Deconstruction (chillstep) : This album has the chill flavor and the dubstep vibe that equals chillstep. Brilliant beats and synths,this one had me dancing around the living room like a dork.

No Youtube Clip available for this album, sadly enough

7. Eat Static- Last Ship To Paradise (psychill): These guys have been going at it for many years. They are veterans of the electronic psychedelic world. Their 2017 effort does not dissapoint. Hitting those beats and squirming them around with psychedelic sauce makes for a great album.

 

6. Ascendant – Particle Horizon (ambient): If you are looking for a pulsating rhythmic album that is both stark and beautiful at the same time, then you are looking for this ambient masterpiece by Ascendant. Droning forests, psychedelic pads, it all reminds me of the Aurora Borealis. I have yet to see it, but when I do, this is the album that will be playing.

 

5. Cosmic Replicant – Echo Light (psychill): If you have been a fan of this artist for years like I have then you will know this is slightly different material than we are all used to. It has more depth and character, more ambient than psychedelic, but the drums do come in when needed. This makes for a brilliant show of decadent light. Maybe Echo Light, even.

 

4. Rising Galaxy – Action Rection(psychill): This album starts off with shining pads and some innovative techno-like sounds, compelling and provacative all at once. Then the synths come in and you are hooked. There is that psychedelic twist you admire. It is here and it is not going away.

 

3. Chronos- Inner Darkness (psychill): Chronos has entered the top 10 again, this time featuring a darker psychedelic chill album that feasts upon the edginess that you secretly love in electronic music. Starting off slow and misty, it builds into something almost tribal, that I can picture myself dancing to around a bonfire under the starlit sky wearing nothing but a loincloth. And a bra. I couldnt dance without at least one bra on… anyway… have a listen:

 

2. Ekaologik – Light Seeds (Chillgressive): I found this album whilst searching for a “best psybient of 2017” playlist on spotify and loved it. Slowly dancable beats are a backdrop to beautiful scenes of sunsets and ocean scapes. The intricate plot twists within the songs leave you wondering if you are reading a beautiful book or listening to beautiful music. You will have to see for yourself:

 

1. Narcose – Panda Eyes (chillstep): Wow! This one came out early in 2017 and I remember running a mile to the store for something and listening to this album in my buds. It was perfect for the energy, but is also perfect for chilling and relaxing. The effort comes off a bit mischievious and sly, but it builds into a beautiful maze of dub-like  beat and psychedelic chill that makes you want more. Hopefully this artist continues to make music in the same vein. Very masterful.

Full album:

 

2017 was a difficult one for me. I had problems with my phone deleting all my music when putting the SD into a new phone. My computer died in 2016 and I havent had money to replace it so it has been all tablet and all phone. So it was difficut compiling this list, but I listened to as much psychill as I possibly could so that I could make a good list for you. I hope you enjoy the music, and as always please support the artists!!