Lithium

This lithium stuff is great. As long as you drink a lot of water everyday. Anyway, I feel stable for the first time, and the longest time, in a very long while. But now I’m beginning to feel confused. Am I bored with life now that there’s no “manic drama”? Was I so used to being manic that I still exhibit rotten personality traits that I had when I was before? Am I bored? My mate swears something is going on.

In other news, I got a car finally. It needs a new catalytic converter so my step-dad sent me some $ to get that fixed. Then I can get emissions done, and then get my tabs and license plates and be a big girl driver. It’s a red 2001 Toyota Rav4, and I like it. My  friend Crissy named it God Almighty.

The Worst Moments of 2016

2016 was a crap year – possibly the worst – and here is why:

10. My phone went all wonky and stopped working during filming at the Rodeo this past summer and I had to send it in for repairs which took 2 weeks. So I had to use a backup phone which was a pain in the butt – not as good as the one that went bonkers on me. Sounds silly, but this was an actual low point. I didn’t realize how much I rely on my phone for everyday things until that happened.

9. On the first day of warm weather in the spring, we went for a walk and over-did it. We went 10 miles round trip. And I hadn’t been ready. I am overweight, walk flat-footed and did not stretch first before going on our walk. So I ended up with plantar fasciitis in my left foot. I don’t know if anyone has had that before, but it is PAINFUL and hard to walk. I had to get inserts to walk on and it still doesn’t help that well. I then somehow did something to get it in the other foot as well so both feet have flantar fasciitis now. I do exercises and stretches and it helps but they are not healing very well. Ouch.

8. I was constantly having financial problems and had to take out some loans that were expensive to repay. Part of the problem was living aove my means just because I made so little money but still had lots of bills, but most of it was because of my poor spending habits.

7. I was manic most of the year. When I DID get stable, it would last less than a week and I would swing up again. I had many triggers this year and it was like one after another. The pummels just kept coming and it woul make me spiral out of control and that would then domino into other problems like fights and distance between me and my mate,or irrational thinking, delusional plans, irritability on a grand scale, agressiveness, and anger.

6. I had an auditory hallucination during an extreme manic episode in which I was highly paranoid due to (see #4 coming up). It didn’t really scare me at the tim, it just left me feeling like I must be crazy, and I had the neighbor listen and he couldn’t hear anything and I could hear it crystal clear. It was very weird and it was a sign that things were pretty bad, mental wise.

5. My step-dad’s father got colon cancer and then died from infections after the sucessful surgery to remove the cancer. I felt shocked and awful. Now he lost 2 imporant people (See #1) in the same year. What a blow. I loved my step-grampa too, he was a very good and funny person. He alawys asked how I was, and him and my step-gramma were always so good to me. I just feel awful.

4. In late September someone came to the back bedroom window in the fire alley and tried to get in. I called the cops and they found no one, but I had seen someone back there. About 3 or 4 nights later it happened again, this time my mate was home with me, and she and I both became very paranoid. The paranoia spread to almost every aspect of home-life. Every little bump, every sound, every momentmy heart was beating fast and i felt on edge and anxious the whole two and a half months left that we were there. We moved.

3. Shortly before moving, I was driving home on the freeway from work when a guy cut me off and I had to swerve onto the shoulder to avoid a collision. I ended up flipping my car and rolled 6 times down an embankment. My car landed right-side-up but facing the wrong direction, and somehow I just walked away. The medics checked me out and I had superficial wounds and a small concussion. My car was totalled, and now I am trying to save up for another one.

2. After #1 happened (see below) it set off a terrible chain of events where I “fell in with the wrong crowd” in a secret friendship that lead me to move out and leave my mate temporarily. It broke her heart and it was just a really awful situation. I amazingly was not manic at the time. I was calmly stable right before going into mania afterward. It was a terrible time and I feel regretful everytime I think of it.

1. On January 14, 2016 my mother died. She died of COPD, as she had smoked cigarettes nearly her whole life. It was devastating. She had been in the acute care facilities about 3 or 4 times since october of 2015. Me and the family all kind of knew it was going to happen, but no matter how much you prepare or try to distance yourself from the situation, it effects you in ways you perhaps were not prepared for. On one hand I know how she is ina  place now where she doesn’t even need to breathe so she is at peace. But all the sameI miss her likehell,and sometimes go to pick up the phone to call her and realize I can’t.

This year sucked. F you, 2016. I plan on making 2017 a hell of a lot better. No one better die or get into car accidents or anything. let us just be tranquil.

Did I do My Resolutions?

In 2015 I vowed to do two things. I didn’t do a resolutions list like I did this year. I just explained what I needed to work on. Honesty and responsibility. I failed on all fronts. I resolved to stop lying. It is a cumpulsion and like a tic. I was better in 2016 than inprevious years but not that great, still. Any lying is not good. Responsibility was another one.I was irresponsible with a lot of things. I can’t say I acheived what I had set out to do or be.

My mom would definitely not be proud of me. And that hurts. I am going to print out the entry where I list my resolutions for 2017 and 3 ways I can acheive each one, and put it up somewhere to see it all the time. I really need to be abetter person. I all but destroyed the relationship with the one person I love the most. Breaks my heart that I could be so irresponsible with the heart of another like that.

I really have to work hard. It is not going to be easy. Next up: The worst of 2016. Wasn’t hard to come up with…

Best Moments of 2016

I wasn’t going to do this but my mate talked me into it. I thought I’d had enough 2016 stuff in here – the top 10 music and the blog about the bad rough year it has been. But here are some good moments that will be remembered as well. We shouldn’t forget the good stuff.

10. Picasso Painting for my mate on her birthday: For my gal’s birthday, I took her to the Tracy Aviary where a macaw parrot named Picasso painted a picture for her. It was super cute and fun to watch. The end product was adorable.

9. Balloon Races in Reno: In September we went to visit my mate’s parents in the Reno-Tahoe area, and watched the balloon races which started before sunrise. 100 Balloons soared up into the sky during mass ascension, which was the grand finale of the show – before that was Dawn patrol and Night Glow.

8. Halloween Costumes: We were “Lions, tigers, and Bears, Oh My!” this year. I was a tiger, and my mate was a lion. I held a bear with a scary mask on that had a poster attached to it that said Oh My! We ran the Haunted Hustle, a fun run at the Sugarhouse Park with zombies and a medal at the end. We dressed up again for a contest at a bar called Gracie’s where the prize was $500, but didn’t win. We also dressed up for the contest at our job but did not win that either. But that is ok, we had a great time dressing up and we looked really awesome!

7. Utah Arts Festival: We went on a Friday to the Utah Arts Festival which was in the summer. A whole large park had been blocked off to create a huge festival with artwork of all kinds, amazin food trucks, performing arts, and concerts. At night we caught Beats Antique. We ate some amazing food and enjoyed looking at all of the art. It was really nice, and a warm day.

6. My mate’s birthday: The day before she turned 33 we went out to this great sushie restaurant where she had some quail eggs and a lot of other stuff that she really loved. I hate teriyaki chicken, which was really good. Then the next day we went to the Tower Theater where they showed indie films, to see “Swiss Army man” which was a really interesting movie. We had a brew afterward. A nice summer hot day.

5. Seeing Family: Though being at my mom’s memorial service was rather sad, I enjoyed seeing a lot of family that I had not seen in many years. I was very touched to see my cousin Jenny out, and my cousin Sara.  I got to see my aunt, and meet my sister’s boyfriend. It was nice being able to socialize with them and see how everyone was. I miss my family often, and this was a good opportunity to see them.

4. Brandi Carlile at Deer Valley: We went to Park City, UT to see Brandi Carlile perform in Deer Valley resort, where, in the winter is a bustling favorite for skiiers. She put on an amazing show as per the usual, having her daughter brought out on stage by her wife, and then having a 9 year old come up and sing along with her. We had a tailgate before the show, with some great food and drink – especially the watermelon rum slushie that my mate made. It was so good I drank all mine down before she had a chance to pour her own.

3. While visiting my mate’s parents this summer, we went kayaking. Her mother had survived cancer and as a present, she got kayaks. We went up to a lake up in the Tahoe area (I did not realize how many lakes are up there!) and took turns in the kayak. It was a nice warm day and I really enjoyed being out on the water with the light breeze lapping at the water while I glided and paddled around. it was serene and enjoyable. I really like kayaking and go whenever I get a chance.

2. The Rodeo: The Days of ’49 Rodeo was in town at the Energy Solutions Arena (Now called Vivint Arena) and we had gotten tickets. It was amazong, and we immediately purchased tickets for the 2nd day. We got to meet a lot of the riders and get autographs. The winner of the barrel racing contest was a 10 year old girl – she was amazing. We had a conversation and picture with the reigning champion the day before. It was a lot of fun.

1. And the best moment of the year – The spa massage and fun in Park City for my Birthday: My mate treated me to a lovely massage which I enjoyed. I had not ever had a professional massage before so it was pretty cool. We walked around park city and had dinner at High West which is always a good place.

So you see, 2016 had it’s good moments. I would not say that it was the best year I had ever experienced – it in fact may have been the worst. But there are always good moments and bright sides to every storm. And these were the best 10 of them. I’d like to end it on this lovely note, but I have one more blog entry to write. The worst moments of 2016. I had debated to even write it, because I think in my previous blog I explained why I hated 2016, but this will put it into better perspective.

 

One Year Ago Today

On this day 1 year ago, I saw my mother for the very last time.

New Years Resolutions

Ugh I hate this part. I have so many things I need to work on. And I hate doing resolutions, no one ever sticks to them. Let’s see if I can!

1. I want to be a more positive thinking person
2. I want to be a less irritable person
3. I want to lose at least 20 lbs
4. I want to be a more honest person
5. I want to be a more caring and loving person

There I think that covers about all of the “sub-genres” of things I’d like to work on. Now here are 3 ways for each thing that will help me accomplish them.

To be more positive I will:

• Continue positive meditation practices
• Have gratitude for all the wonderful things that I have, or have experienced
• Turn around negative thoughts and think good things in comparison to them

To be a less irritable person I will:

• Use empathy
• Let arguments go by thinking “is it really that important?”
• Think to myself “does this effect me?” and if not, let it go

To lose 20 lbs I will:

• Continue to work my muscles daily
• Continue to run (outside or inside)
• Eat smaller portions of food

To be a more honest person I will:

• Weigh the consequences of being truthful vs. non-truthful
• Reward myself for being truthful
• Keep an open mind on ways to accomplish the same end but by honest means

To be a more caring and loving person I will:

• Be empathetic toward others, put myself in their shoes and walk a mile
• Put others first before myself
• Be grateful to others for what they give to me

I think I can accomplish those things. 🙂

Best Psy Albums of 2016

Yes, I know it is early, but here it is anyway. You’ll love it either way.

Here is the top 10 Best Psy albums of the year. This time I
smooshed the list into best psychill, ambient, and psytrance, because
I couldn’t find 10 of each really. 2015 was a crummy year for
music in the psy electronic world, and this was a little better, but
one of the reasons of the short list was that my computer broke
in September, and I haven’t replaced it. So I’ve been listening to
the music on my phone. Here are the results:

10. The Key – The Light Within The Darkness 

The Key is Ovnimoon and Ascent, bringing together their hard banging styles of progressive psytrance. Fine, sharp melody underlaying steady beats and trippy shadows, this album is a great voyage into the mind. From the bandcamp site of BMSS records, “he Key, an innovative vision plucked from the mind of Ovnimoon from Chile, mixes the psychedelic and progressive sounds of the prolific Ascent from Serbia with the powerful emotions that fuel Progressive Psytrance. With pure fine touches of magical ideas that expand through their music into our harmonious universe, Stuardo & Bojan have soared over both distance and borders bound by the profound alchemy of friendship and fellowship. Using brilliant technical precision, The Key steps forth and delivers tight, definitive Psyprog tracks that encapsulate and stay true to the euphoric delirium of that old school Goa sound. ” https://bmssrecords1.bandcamp.com/album/the-light-within-the-darkness

9. Unusual Cosmic Process – Aerial 
** The first album released by Unusual Cosmic Process in 2016,
Aerial, contains some remixes of the acclaimed “Spactrip” album
from the previous year, as well as some new gems. Sparkling
with polished tones as well as some deep psychill-into-
progressive-psytrance vibes, this album is a must-repeat. From
Ovnimoon records bandcamp site: “After many successful
releases of ambient, downtempo and chill creations, Unusual
Cosmic Process presets his all new album titled Arial. Making a
new musical twist on his sound Arial is a jump into the creation
of progressive psytrance crafting a storyline through some
various arcs of the genre. Once again utilizing the power of his
multiple projects, such as Psypheric and Phantom Sentinel there
are new takes of Spacetrip Part 7, Parallel Streams and No
Gravity, plus an amazing prog remix done for E-Mantra’s track
Passing Through. These songs all bring a deep style that drips
heavy with tribal mystic energy, fueling melodies and acidlines
over intelligent percussion and symphonic atmospheres, the
music will creep through every cell of a dancefloor.”

8. Siebzehn – Starship Signals
** From Hadra productions comes Starship Signals, the new
album from Siebzehn, a talented psychill producer who shines
on this album with fusing some ambient and subtle psychelic
vibes together. From the label: “In this refreshing release called
Starship Signal, SiebZehN becomes our heart-warming guide in
the course of a radiant ethereal trip in the deep deafening
silence of cosmos and the vastness of the empty space.
Gathering musical influences since his early childhood, he
transforms them into a broad, lush and meditative audio
experience that brands his very unique sonic signature.
If from Chaos the stars are born, SiebZehN definitely is one of
the brightest ones!” https://beatspace-
hadra.bandcamp.com/album/siebzehn-starship-signals-hadra-
productions

7. Dhamika – Endless Horizons 
** This album is full of chillgressive and psychill vibrations that
haunt the mind. This is also worthy of being put onto repeat.
From the label Altar Records: “Dhamika aka Sven Lundgren is
back today to present his second album with Altar Records.
Entitled “Endless Horizons”, the album works in a genre that sits
between downtempo and psychill. While each track is a gem
unto itself, the album is a full experience, which is what you can
say about the best in any genre of music; it’s not just background
or another electronic album in the genre. Sven’s music is like an
ocean wave we longed to dive in and let the crystal clear
glittering pulses of light creating a current that nourishes our life
energy.” https://dhamika.bandcamp.com/album/endless-
horizons-24bits

6. Koan – Condemned 
** Another amazing release from the always re-invented Koan.
This album is nothing like the acclaimed “When The Silence
Speaks” but is an amazing journey into darkness with
psychedelic chill vibes. Unable to find a description from the
artist or label on this particular album, I’ll just say this dark
psychedeclic album has ambient, garage, and psy influences that
make this a very unique trip. Made in Russia with a few sparse
french vocals, and the bass can’t go wrong here.
https://www.discogs.com/Koan-Condemned/release/9438656

5. Ascendant – Meridian 
** From Synthpaera records comes Ascendant’s 4th album,
Meridian. This is an ambient dream world, brought to light by
flickers of psychedelic chillout and downtempo feeling. From
the bandcamp page: “10,000 years from now. 10,000 light years
from here. A New Land, come of age into a time of abundance,
transcendence and enlightenment. The Age of Earth and Stone,
where… An enlightened man exists alongside post-singularity
machine AI that manifest as floating coils of light. Frozen clouds
are summoned and then flash-melted to provide the planet’s
water, and liquid has memory. A planet where habitats the size,
shape & semblance of mountains hover over large bodies of
water. A planet where enormous belts of sub-orbital forests
scrub the ozone and provide oxygen. A world where gravity
bends, but time does not. A world of alchemical transmutation,
elemental summoning, and abundance. The Age of Earth and
Stone. Meridian. ”
https://synphaera.bandcamp.com/album/meridian

4. Various Artists – Starseed 
** Much like Ascendant’s ‘Meridian’, this album jumps into the
ambient/psychill cosmic soundwaves and takes the listener on a
hypnotic voyage. Also on label Synphaera, Ascendant, Germind,
Fourth Dimension, and Chronos are just some of the featured
artists. From the bandcamp page:” Matter spreads through space
like a cosmic code traversing the universe inside solar
windblown motes of space-dust or interwoven into encoded
beams of starlight. Explore this cosmic migration through the
stars and the origins of life, as the artists on STARSEED evoke the
patterns and frequencies of the universe. Every man and woman
is a star. ” https://synphaera.bandcamp.com/album/starseed

3. Sky Technology – Spirituality 
** Taking a break from goa trance, Sky Technology brings the
melodic layers of goa with a fusion of downtempo psychill vibes
and presents a master blast of a trip. Take the trip of this album,
on repeat, several times. Think “E-Mantra” and you’ll know how
it feels. Beatspace records bandcamp:
https://beatspace-geomagnetic.bandcamp.com/album/sky-
technology-spirituality-tim1cd050

2. Astronaut Ape – Unknown Sector 
** My favorite downtempo artist is back with a new gem of an
album that features a space theme, (what can you expect with a
name like Astronaut Ape?) that takes the listener on a journey
through an entrancing forest of spacetime. From the
Microcosmos records bandcamp: “Microcosmos Records
presents “Unknown Sector”, long-waited chillout album by
Astronaut Ape. Space. Dark, cold and empty void between the
stars. Despite all the space explorations, we still know nothing
about it. What are quasars, actually? How can we travel to
another galaxy? Why the universe is expanding? Are there any
other civilizations or we are alone in the space? We don’t have
the answers yet. But one day humanty will explore the unknown
sector of space! Astronaut Ape is a guy in the orange space suit.
He do ambient and chill-out gigs for last 5 years and got fans on
every continent of planet Earth. Once he became an expert in
proper mood flow at chill space of any size. Try what he has to
offer on his 5th album! Warm cosmic melodies topped up with
radio transmissions, computer noises and slow pulsating
rhythm. They teleport us right into the spaceship. Robots doing
routine tasks, crew members are on their stations, all systems
ready to hyperspace jump. One lonely spaceman looks into the
window… Deep bass patterns, relaxing echoes and sci-fi sounds
lift your emotions to the higher level. This music is inspirational
and relaxing at the same time. Wonder what’s next? Experience
the great music journey in space and time! Welcome to the
“Unknown Sector”…”
http://shop.microcosmosrecords.com/album/unknown-sector

1. Dreaming Cooper – Mysterious Places 
** Dreaming Cooper comes in at #1, definitely taking the listener
on a hallucinogenic rapture to mysterious places indeed. While
boiling over with psychedelic chillout madness, the album is
subtle and smooth, clean, crisp, and clear. From Altar Records
bandcamp: “After years of silence, Victor Khlyustov aka
Dreaming Cooper is coming back with a full album entitled
“Mysterious Places”. This opus was composed with the blue
color in mind and was made especially for Altar Records.
Comprised in a range of 85-95 bpm with smooth 4/4 beats and a
slight old-school feeling, it’ll be sure to inspire both spiritual
feelings and a deep desire to go outside and look at trees.
Guaranteed to give a very relaxing feel, completely dreamy and
de-stressed… ”
https://dreamingcooper.bandcamp.com/album/mysterious-
places-24bits

2016 can kiss my @$$

2016 was awful. Yes, that is the first sentence of
my yearly reflections. It was a year of tremendous
downs… with barely any ‘ups’ unless you count
bipolar mania spouts. None of those were very
good, either.

On January 14, 2016 my mom died from COPD. I
flew in December to see her before she died, and it
was a weird time for me. I felt distant and I know
that was because I was “ostriching”… I didn’t want
to face what I knew was happening. I hugged my
mother goodbye after about a 3 day stay in
Tacoma, and flew back to Salt Lake City. A month
later she was gone, and I was back there again,
only this time, standing over where her ashes lay.

Something in me flicked a bad switch. I fell in with
“the wrong crowd” and doing some bad lying and
that ended up very badly with my mate whom I’ve
been with for 7 years. I moved out, spent all my
money on trying to find a place to live, and
eventually realized what I’d done and came
crawling back to my mate, who took me back in
under many different provisions.

The rest of the year was a terrible blur for a while,
of bipolar shennanigans, and trying to ‘get right’.

At the end of September, while I was in the
bedroom with the light on, getting ready to sleep,
someone came to the window. The bedroom
window was located at foot-level in a back alley. It
freaked me out so bad, that I went out behind the
building with a flashlight. I knew if I called 9-11 but
had no description or actual identification of the
problem, that nothing really could be done. So I
went back there and saw a person in the alley, and
they had a red penlight, or were smoking a
cigarette. I called the police who came with 6 cops
and a K9 unit. They searched the block and cleared
the apartment. They never found who it was. They
must’ve seen my flashlight and ran.
October 3rd, me and my mate were in the living
room, paranoid, when we heard a noise in the
bedroom. We thought it was the cat disturbing
things so I went to see what was going on.
Someone was at the window! So my gal knocked on
the window really hard, hard enough to make her
knuckles bruise. And they *knocked back*!! So she
started knocking hard on the neighbor’s wall, who
then ran outside ready to rumble but no one was
there.
There had been a bench we discrovered, propped
up against the fence adjacent to the property
behind us. Their motion light at night makes it so
that our bedroom window is the first dark window
closest to that fence. So we moved the bench but
couldn’t get it completely away from the fence.
That night we both heard the sound of the bench
trying to be moved back to the fence around 1am.
We mentioned it to one another later. Then we
completely got the bench away from the fence that
day. It was heavy, and eventually someone took it
away. But it didn’t take away my insanity…

I had been so paranoid and scared of break-ins,
and leary of all of the shady people in the
neighborhood that I eventually ended up having an
auditory hallucination while in a manic bipolar
state. One night I couldn’t sleep. It was midnight.
My mate was at work. I heard a noise coming from
the freezer. It sounded like a ‘digging’ or a scraping.
Like a little rat was back there. So I opened the
freezer and it was loud! And the food in there
looked ‘alive’ like it was going to come out on its
own any second. I shut the door and suddenly the
sound started to move. I got a glass and put my ear
up to the wall behind it. The sound moved 5 feet. I
went to the sound. It moved 5 feet. I moved, it
moved. Finally I had my ear to a glass on the wall
underneath the kitchen window. I was alarmed so I
when I heard my neighbor exit his apartment for
his midnight smoke, I dragged him inside to listen.
He heard nothing, and thought I was nuts. He left
and never was really very friendly toward me after
that. I went back on a higher dose of one of my
medications and it helped bring me back to life and
thankfully I never had the hallucinations again.

We decided after all the craziness that went on at
that place (the owners and management refused to
put up lights in the back or do anything security-
wise to help protect the tennants from break-ins or
other hazards) that we would just move. We found
a nice place and after about a month were finally
moving in.

On one of the last days before the move,
when driving back to the soon-to-be-old place from
work, a truck pulling a white trailer cut me off on
his way to sweep through 2 lanes to get to the exit
he almost missed. I swerved onto the shoulder to
avoid a collision, but ended up flipping my car and
rolling it 6 times down an embankment. A good
Sam came down to see if I was ok. He opened the
door for me and let me use his phone to call my gf,
who didn’t pick up because probably it was an
unknown number. And she never listens to her
voicemails so we searched and found my own
phone. I called 911 and then I called her again. The
state patrol came and the medics checked me out. I
had 2 cuts on the back of my right ear from when
my head hit the side of the car, and my glasses
sliced my ear. I had a slight concussion, but I could
walk and see fine and didn’t feel dizzy. They said
though that later if these symptoms popped up to
go to the doctor. I was fine for 2 or 3 days, then got
paranoid because I got a really bad headache
around the consussion area. The accident had
triggered me to go ‘up’ again, and I was frazzled. I
went to the urgent care and the next morning had a
CT and some X-Rays done. Everything was fine.
Thankfully it was paid for by my car insurance
company.

My car was totalled. I got $4000 for it. I’m going to
use $3000 to purchase another car when I can find
one. I, still frazzled, freaked out one day when I
found a guy who had an Isuzu Rodeo, just like my
mate had. It was a newer year, and was black. It
was about a 45 minute drive south. He said
someone offered $1300. I wanted to test drive it so
I told him if I liked it I’d just offer the $1500 he
wanted. So I said I’d come test drive it. I ran home
(to the new apartment) and dragged my mate into
her car to drive me there. We didn’t know where
we were going, and the directions were crap. We
finally got down into the area and I texted him. He
didn’t respond so I called and he said someone had
just come pay him $1400 and took it already. My
mate was angry, because I told her we’d offer only
$1300 tops, while I was telling him I’d offer more,
just so I could go see the car. I wanted it that badly.
But then it lead to angriness and a frantic ‘me’
desperately trying to hold onto my grace.

My poor step-dad lost his wife AND his dad in the same year. My step-grampa Bernie died of complications after colon cancer surgery. It was very sad. I was not able to attend the funeral.

And now here I am 2 weeks later still looking for a
car, and nursing the wounds of 2016. There are
only a small amount of days left of this crappy year
and I can’t wait for it to be over. 2017 is going to be
so much better.

Viscious.

The United States elections had me depressed. I noticed how we (democrats) were failing. Either bump this puppy into gear, or don’t win at all. But my fellow Democrats really tried their best. I donated money to the Clinton campaign as part of their last ditch effort. There was not much else I could do. The numbers had fallen. We were losing in the fact of madness and uncertainty. The polls had predicted a Clinton win/ So how did that happen?

With a man, a Presidential Nominee stating he’d investigate every opponent he could,  He stepped out of the race and into the title of President-elect Donald J. Trump.

I couldn’t believe my ears. On Facebook, I couldn’t believe my eyes. This country was no longer about upholding the values we all shared as a patriotic country… it was more to do with money and influence.

Trump takes offense at 3 different minority groups that I happen to be a part of. First, I am a woman. Trump thinks women are beneath him, and he will treat us any way he wants, because we’re women. We’re not important as men. That’s #1. #2 is that I am mentally disabled, with a mental illness which is claimed under the individuals with disabilities act. I should be protected.

I am 3 groups of people Mr Dump (I refuse to call him Mr. Trump) would like to see go bye-bye. Well you know what? Unlike some of my scared compadres moving North or South… I’ll be here just fine. I am sad, I am hurt, I am angry to the death of me but I will NOT tolerate any bigotry in the name of President Dump.

No matter what happens, no matter how much we protest and loot… the outcome will be the same. He will be president. So how about we make it a little hard for him?

We’ve got to ban together and do whatever is possible to make his presidency worst ever, including Bush W’s. We’ve got to really make it hard for this asshole to get away with passing any laws that prohibit the constitutional rights of other people.

It all starts at the bottom. Work your way up to working for politicians. Work for senators. Work for governors. Work work work. Don’t let them take your identity away. Don’t let them deport Muslims or Mexican Americans who’ve lives here their entire lives. It’s just NOT right, and Not OK. Let’s stick it to him.

Who’s with me, America? Let’s go!

 

 

Leaving

After the two attempted break-ins, we’ve been paranoid. Every little sound wakes us up in the night (despite white noise machine) and we just sit up for hours listening to the noises outside. The owners are old and don’t like change, and are refusing to put up any motion lights back in the alley there, or a regular patrol, and the management company basically laughed in our faces when we asked about going to the housing authority or some other higher power.

So, we are going to leave. It doesn’t make sense to sit there and feel fear every night before you go to bed… as an adult afraid of the dark now, I feel real silly. But also real frightened. We should feel safe in our habitat, not paranoid and irrational everytime there goes a bump in the night.