So it must be apparent that I have not written in my blog in a while. I’v been a little off kilter these days. It all started in the summer, when I was being a total irritible jerk, edgy, ‘up’, obnoxious and talkative. At first my mate thought I was just being a mean asshole. Then it slowly dawned on her that I might be manic. Sure enough.
So I went to the pdoc (Psychiatrist) and he told me to start taking my emergency risperdal that I had at home. So I did. And that gave me some side effects I didn’t like, such as akasthesia (inability to stop moving – inner pent up energy that must be released by moving around and being antsy), tiredness, etc. So I switched to 5mg Abilify. This amount wasn’t a therapeutic dose, so the Dr advised to raise it to 10mg. That brought me down. But… WAY down.
It brought me so down that I began to get the telltale signs of depression. Always tired, wanting to sleep a lot, muscle aches and pains, fatigue, lack of focus and energy, etc… still with the insane irritability though. So my mate came up with the idea to cut it in half and then quarters, so that I’d be taking 7.5. Less than 10 but more than 5. I stopped taking them overall though, about 2 weeks ago because I thought I’d rather be manic than depressed and I’d like to head off the depression before it came on full swing. I absolutely HATE depression. It is the worst part of being bipolar!
But now, again, I am arguementative and irritable, kind of edgy and ‘up’, sometimes obnoxious. Its mild but obvious. So.. back to the 7.5 mg of Abilify, on top of the 2mg Lorazepam, 40mg Viibryd, 150 mg of Wellbutrin, and 150mg lamictal. Woo boy, I take too many meds for this thing.
I am tired of this emotional roller coaster. Maybe it is a mixed state. I am over emotional and weepy sometimes, but also very irritable and my energy level is just about average/normal. I’ve been sleeping 6 hours on average and not too tired during the day which is abnormal for me. I’m confrontational and arguementative/disagreeable, at times. Other times I am nice as pie. My moods switch rapidly, which I read is not supposed to be normal for Bipolar… the moods come on gradually and taper gradually. Not fluctuate from up to down in a matter of 12 hours. Unless that is ultradian rapid cycling, which is super rare. So hmm.. I really do not udnerstand myself, but my mood chart helps a little bit.
Anyway, just a brief update to explain why I haven’t written anything this week.
- Bipolar or Mood Swings: What’s the Difference? (bipolar.answers.com)
- Living with Bipolar (peersupportd.wordpress.com)
- How to Keep a Bipolar Blog Running During the Depressed Times (hexspinner81.wordpress.com)