I am bipolar. And, I am manic right now. It took me a while to realize it and then admit it. My mate saw the first signs early on and had me call my psychiatrist, who had me start taking a 5 mg dose of an antipsychotic that I had leftover from a previous episode.
I have trouble sleeping. I get tired but wired, its a weird combination of feeling tired but having energy anyway. I talk too much, too loudly, and I ramble and jump from one subject to the next with no tie-ins. I sometimes have word salad, a term used in the psychiatry world to describe sentences that make no sense, and are just seemingly thrown together with random words.
I either have trouble concentrating on one day, and the next be very productive and focused. Its so weird.
I was manic during the super bowl, and my Seattle Seahawks lost to the Foxborough Patriots (yuck). I was disappointed but didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. I handled it well. Mostly because I took an extra clonazepam to level me out. But, the next day…
I was behind some people who were talking negatively about my Hawks and how they suck and whatever. I shouted at them. I just blurted out “Oh FUCK no!!! Fuckin Hawks forever, proud 12 right here, we’re bad and coming back and you will see. Watch the fuck out.” or something like that. ME. I did that. WHAT?????
I never do that. I barely talk to anyone, especially strangers. I’ve been outgoing at work, and a little too goofy at meetings, razzing my boss as much as I can.
I see the psychiatrist on Thursday. Thats good, because Wednesday the anti psychotic leftovers that I have run out.
Man. Life is crazy. I need to figure out how to stop squirming and pacing and acting so ‘up’. I need to focus and breathe and imagine myself in a serene environment.