It’s all Relative

So. I’ve been trying to ‘hang in there’ after my mom’s death, and at first I think I was doing ok. I went through a few stages of greif, like they say you do. Anger and sadness so far. But now there’s a 6th stage that I really don’t like. It is called Extreme Anxiety. It started about a week ago and has snowballed since then. Whenever I get to work, I feel ill, like with flu symptoms. Just awful. And I feel like gagging (and therefore throwing up). When I get home I feel better because I am in more comfortable surroundings, and the anxiety is a lot less.


I went to the doctor yesterday and he said that being at work could agitate the grieving process, hence the anxiety, and he prescribed some medication. I was also out of a certain medication that is absolutely necessary, but too expensive out of pocket with this stupid HAS High-Deductible plan I chose to switch to, and so he prescribed a substitute that is also expensive. I’m going to see if I can get samples of the other stuff. I also applied for assistance.


In another note, one of my main anti-anxiety/healthy-brain meds ran out and it was going to be over $300 out of pocket each month! Holy… so I just stopped taking it. That’s when the anxiety ramped up. It was about 3-4 days after my last dose of it. So I hopefully can get assistance through the programs I applied in, to get my meds that I need.


So.. things are just ‘dandy’ right now. I try to meditate, try to stay positive, but it is very hard. I wish I could call my mom and ask her for her advice…


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