2016 can kiss my @$$

2016 was awful. Yes, that is the first sentence of
my yearly reflections. It was a year of tremendous
downs… with barely any ‘ups’ unless you count
bipolar mania spouts. None of those were very
good, either.

On January 14, 2016 my mom died from COPD. I
flew in December to see her before she died, and it
was a weird time for me. I felt distant and I know
that was because I was “ostriching”… I didn’t want
to face what I knew was happening. I hugged my
mother goodbye after about a 3 day stay in
Tacoma, and flew back to Salt Lake City. A month
later she was gone, and I was back there again,
only this time, standing over where her ashes lay.

Something in me flicked a bad switch. I fell in with
“the wrong crowd” and doing some bad lying and
that ended up very badly with my mate whom I’ve
been with for 7 years. I moved out, spent all my
money on trying to find a place to live, and
eventually realized what I’d done and came
crawling back to my mate, who took me back in
under many different provisions.

The rest of the year was a terrible blur for a while,
of bipolar shennanigans, and trying to ‘get right’.

At the end of September, while I was in the
bedroom with the light on, getting ready to sleep,
someone came to the window. The bedroom
window was located at foot-level in a back alley. It
freaked me out so bad, that I went out behind the
building with a flashlight. I knew if I called 9-11 but
had no description or actual identification of the
problem, that nothing really could be done. So I
went back there and saw a person in the alley, and
they had a red penlight, or were smoking a
cigarette. I called the police who came with 6 cops
and a K9 unit. They searched the block and cleared
the apartment. They never found who it was. They
must’ve seen my flashlight and ran.
October 3rd, me and my mate were in the living
room, paranoid, when we heard a noise in the
bedroom. We thought it was the cat disturbing
things so I went to see what was going on.
Someone was at the window! So my gal knocked on
the window really hard, hard enough to make her
knuckles bruise. And they *knocked back*!! So she
started knocking hard on the neighbor’s wall, who
then ran outside ready to rumble but no one was
there.
There had been a bench we discrovered, propped
up against the fence adjacent to the property
behind us. Their motion light at night makes it so
that our bedroom window is the first dark window
closest to that fence. So we moved the bench but
couldn’t get it completely away from the fence.
That night we both heard the sound of the bench
trying to be moved back to the fence around 1am.
We mentioned it to one another later. Then we
completely got the bench away from the fence that
day. It was heavy, and eventually someone took it
away. But it didn’t take away my insanity…

I had been so paranoid and scared of break-ins,
and leary of all of the shady people in the
neighborhood that I eventually ended up having an
auditory hallucination while in a manic bipolar
state. One night I couldn’t sleep. It was midnight.
My mate was at work. I heard a noise coming from
the freezer. It sounded like a ‘digging’ or a scraping.
Like a little rat was back there. So I opened the
freezer and it was loud! And the food in there
looked ‘alive’ like it was going to come out on its
own any second. I shut the door and suddenly the
sound started to move. I got a glass and put my ear
up to the wall behind it. The sound moved 5 feet. I
went to the sound. It moved 5 feet. I moved, it
moved. Finally I had my ear to a glass on the wall
underneath the kitchen window. I was alarmed so I
when I heard my neighbor exit his apartment for
his midnight smoke, I dragged him inside to listen.
He heard nothing, and thought I was nuts. He left
and never was really very friendly toward me after
that. I went back on a higher dose of one of my
medications and it helped bring me back to life and
thankfully I never had the hallucinations again.

We decided after all the craziness that went on at
that place (the owners and management refused to
put up lights in the back or do anything security-
wise to help protect the tennants from break-ins or
other hazards) that we would just move. We found
a nice place and after about a month were finally
moving in.

On one of the last days before the move,
when driving back to the soon-to-be-old place from
work, a truck pulling a white trailer cut me off on
his way to sweep through 2 lanes to get to the exit
he almost missed. I swerved onto the shoulder to
avoid a collision, but ended up flipping my car and
rolling it 6 times down an embankment. A good
Sam came down to see if I was ok. He opened the
door for me and let me use his phone to call my gf,
who didn’t pick up because probably it was an
unknown number. And she never listens to her
voicemails so we searched and found my own
phone. I called 911 and then I called her again. The
state patrol came and the medics checked me out. I
had 2 cuts on the back of my right ear from when
my head hit the side of the car, and my glasses
sliced my ear. I had a slight concussion, but I could
walk and see fine and didn’t feel dizzy. They said
though that later if these symptoms popped up to
go to the doctor. I was fine for 2 or 3 days, then got
paranoid because I got a really bad headache
around the consussion area. The accident had
triggered me to go ‘up’ again, and I was frazzled. I
went to the urgent care and the next morning had a
CT and some X-Rays done. Everything was fine.
Thankfully it was paid for by my car insurance
company.

My car was totalled. I got $4000 for it. I’m going to
use $3000 to purchase another car when I can find
one. I, still frazzled, freaked out one day when I
found a guy who had an Isuzu Rodeo, just like my
mate had. It was a newer year, and was black. It
was about a 45 minute drive south. He said
someone offered $1300. I wanted to test drive it so
I told him if I liked it I’d just offer the $1500 he
wanted. So I said I’d come test drive it. I ran home
(to the new apartment) and dragged my mate into
her car to drive me there. We didn’t know where
we were going, and the directions were crap. We
finally got down into the area and I texted him. He
didn’t respond so I called and he said someone had
just come pay him $1400 and took it already. My
mate was angry, because I told her we’d offer only
$1300 tops, while I was telling him I’d offer more,
just so I could go see the car. I wanted it that badly.
But then it lead to angriness and a frantic ‘me’
desperately trying to hold onto my grace.

My poor step-dad lost his wife AND his dad in the same year. My step-grampa Bernie died of complications after colon cancer surgery. It was very sad. I was not able to attend the funeral.

And now here I am 2 weeks later still looking for a
car, and nursing the wounds of 2016. There are
only a small amount of days left of this crappy year
and I can’t wait for it to be over. 2017 is going to be
so much better.

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