The Worst Moments of 2016

2016 was a crap year – possibly the worst – and here is why:

10. My phone went all wonky and stopped working during filming at the Rodeo this past summer and I had to send it in for repairs which took 2 weeks. So I had to use a backup phone which was a pain in the butt – not as good as the one that went bonkers on me. Sounds silly, but this was an actual low point. I didn’t realize how much I rely on my phone for everyday things until that happened.

9. On the first day of warm weather in the spring, we went for a walk and over-did it. We went 10 miles round trip. And I hadn’t been ready. I am overweight, walk flat-footed and did not stretch first before going on our walk. So I ended up with plantar fasciitis in my left foot. I don’t know if anyone has had that before, but it is PAINFUL and hard to walk. I had to get inserts to walk on and it still doesn’t help that well. I then somehow did something to get it in the other foot as well so both feet have flantar fasciitis now. I do exercises and stretches and it helps but they are not healing very well. Ouch.

8. I was constantly having financial problems and had to take out some loans that were expensive to repay. Part of the problem was living aove my means just because I made so little money but still had lots of bills, but most of it was because of my poor spending habits.

7. I was manic most of the year. When I DID get stable, it would last less than a week and I would swing up again. I had many triggers this year and it was like one after another. The pummels just kept coming and it woul make me spiral out of control and that would then domino into other problems like fights and distance between me and my mate,or irrational thinking, delusional plans, irritability on a grand scale, agressiveness, and anger.

6. I had an auditory hallucination during an extreme manic episode in which I was highly paranoid due to (see #4 coming up). It didn’t really scare me at the tim, it just left me feeling like I must be crazy, and I had the neighbor listen and he couldn’t hear anything and I could hear it crystal clear. It was very weird and it was a sign that things were pretty bad, mental wise.

5. My step-dad’s father got colon cancer and then died from infections after the sucessful surgery to remove the cancer. I felt shocked and awful. Now he lost 2 imporant people (See #1) in the same year. What a blow. I loved my step-grampa too, he was a very good and funny person. He alawys asked how I was, and him and my step-gramma were always so good to me. I just feel awful.

4. In late September someone came to the back bedroom window in the fire alley and tried to get in. I called the cops and they found no one, but I had seen someone back there. About 3 or 4 nights later it happened again, this time my mate was home with me, and she and I both became very paranoid. The paranoia spread to almost every aspect of home-life. Every little bump, every sound, every momentmy heart was beating fast and i felt on edge and anxious the whole two and a half months left that we were there. We moved.

3. Shortly before moving, I was driving home on the freeway from work when a guy cut me off and I had to swerve onto the shoulder to avoid a collision. I ended up flipping my car and rolled 6 times down an embankment. My car landed right-side-up but facing the wrong direction, and somehow I just walked away. The medics checked me out and I had superficial wounds and a small concussion. My car was totalled, and now I am trying to save up for another one.

2. After #1 happened (see below) it set off a terrible chain of events where I “fell in with the wrong crowd” in a secret friendship that lead me to move out and leave my mate temporarily. It broke her heart and it was just a really awful situation. I amazingly was not manic at the time. I was calmly stable right before going into mania afterward. It was a terrible time and I feel regretful everytime I think of it.

  1. On January 14, 2016 my mother died. She died of COPD, as she had smoked cigarettes nearly her whole life. It was devastating. She had been in the acute care facilities about 3 or 4 times since october of 2015. Me and the family all kind of knew it was going to happen, but no matter how much you prepare or try to distance yourself from the situation, it effects you in ways you perhaps were not prepared for. On one hand I know how she is ina  place now where she doesn’t even need to breathe so she is at peace. But all the sameI miss her likehell,and sometimes go to pick up the phone to call her and realize I can’t.

This year sucked. F you, 2016. I plan on making 2017 a hell of a lot better. No one better die or get into car accidents or anything. let us just be tranquil.

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